C. Samosa Milne
Emotional regulation — the ability to understand and manage one’s emotions — is a vital skill that begins developing in the earliest years of life. For children aged 0–5, these foundational years are critical for shaping how they respond to big feelings like frustration, excitement, anger, and sadness. As educators, caregivers, and parents, we play a crucial role in helping young children build the emotional toolkit they need to thrive socially, emotionally, and cognitively.
In this blog post, we’ll explore what emotional regulation looks like in early childhood and practical ways you can support its development through everyday interactions and environments.
What Is Emotional Regulation?
Emotional regulation refers to a child’s ability to recognize, express, and manage their emotions in a healthy and appropriate way. It is not about suppressing emotions but learning how to cope with them effectively. For children aged 0–5, emotional regulation is still emerging and heavily influenced by the adults around them.
Developmental Milestones: What to Expect by Age
- Infants (0–12 months): Rely entirely on caregivers for soothing and comfort. Crying is the primary way of communicating needs.
- Toddlers (1–3 years): Begin to assert independence but still have limited language and impulse control. Tantrums are common and normal.
- Preschoolers (3–5 years): Show improved emotional awareness and vocabulary. They start to use strategies (like deep breaths or asking for help) with adult guidance.
How to Support Emotional Regulation in Young Children
1. Model Calm and Respectful Responses
Children learn emotional regulation by watching the adults around them. When you respond calmly to stressful situations, children see how to manage their own emotions. Narrate your coping strategies:
“I’m feeling a bit frustrated, so I’m going to take a deep breath before I speak.”
2. Name and Validate Emotions
Help children develop an emotional vocabulary by labeling feelings for them:
“You’re feeling sad because it’s time to leave the playground. It’s okay to feel sad.”
Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with a behavior — it means acknowledging the child’s emotional experience, which helps them feel understood and secure.
3. Create a Predictable and Nurturing Environment
Young children thrive on routine. Consistent environments reduce stress and make it easier for children to manage transitions. Calm spaces, gentle tones, and predictable schedules offer emotional safety.
4. Teach and Practice Regulation Strategies
Introduce simple techniques to manage emotions:
- Deep breathing: “Smell the flower, blow out the candle.”
- Sensory tools: Soft toys, stress balls, weighted cushions.
- Movement: Jumping, stretching, or dancing to release built-up energy.
- Books and stories: Use stories to talk about emotions and coping (e.g., The Color Monster, When Sophie Gets Angry).
5. Offer Choices and Encourage Problem-Solving
Giving children simple choices (e.g., “Would you like the red cup or the blue cup?”) builds a sense of control. When conflicts arise, guide children through solving the issue:
“I see you both want the same toy. What could we do to make it fair?”
6. Be a Safe Base for Co-Regulation
Co-regulation is the shared process of calming down together. Sit with the child, offer physical comfort, and use soothing tones. Over time, your consistent support helps them internalize these strategies and use them independently.
When to Seek Additional Support
While emotional outbursts are normal, persistent difficulties with regulation (such as frequent, intense tantrums beyond age 4 or trouble connecting with peers) may benefit from professional support. Speak with your child’s educator, GP, or a child psychologist for guidance.
Final Thoughts
Building emotional regulation is a gradual process that requires patience, empathy, and consistency. By creating responsive, emotionally safe environments and modeling healthy emotional behavior, we empower children to understand themselves and navigate the world with resilience.
Let’s remember: every moment of connection, every calm response, and every validating word lays the groundwork for emotionally intelligent, confident young humans.
Resources to Explore Further:
- Raising Emotionally Resilient Children by John Gottman
- The Whole-Brain Child by Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson
- Beyond Blue: www.beyondblue.org.au
- Early Childhood Australia: www.earlychildhoodaustralia.org.au